The abuse cycle

Thirty years ago researchers put forward the theory of the domestic violence cycle. According to the theory, the cycle works in three phases.

The first phase is the buildup phase: the tension in the house builds and builds, and the abusive behavior escalates gradually. The abuser gets angry; the victim tries to calm things down; arguments are avoided, the victim sometimes takes the blame for the tension but then the tension keeps building, and the fact that the victim is being passive and suppressing her own anger merely encourages the escalation. The abuser sees her withdrawing and fears she will leave.

The second phase is the “explode” phase, in which the abuser goes totally wild and the dangerous violence happens. There is no rhyme or reason as to when or why he explodes, which increases the terror. This terror can be over in two hours or last for an entire day. Sometimes the abuse will begin on an emotional or verbal plane and then escalate to physical abuse; he wants to “teach her a lesson”; often he can’t remember what he did afterward. As it ends, the victim may be in denial, calming down the partner, telling him (and herself) that it’s all over.

The third phase is the “honeymoon” phase: the abuser expresses remorse, showering her with love and attention and gifts, promising to change, and telling her “please don’t go, I’ll get help, if you leave you’ll be the one who’s responsible for ruining me” etc etc. He shows her the man she thinks he is deep inside, and his "love" is like a drug to her. Somewhere along the way he will tell her she caused the fight. The couple in effect becomes co-dependent; the victim is catatonic, possibly not even getting help for her injuries, in denial, telling herself that the “honeymoon” guy is her real partner, not the “explode” guy. It is during this phase that it’s hardest for her to distance herself and seek help, but unfortunately that’s when help arrives – she is liable to tell the helpers “never mind, everything’s okay”. Until the next time. Keep in mind that some abusers don’t even bother with the pretense of the honeymoon. Some women even get addicted to the honeymoon phase -- they are so happy when the violent phase shifts to the honeymoon, that it can actually strengthen his control over her. It's called "the traumatic bond".

Researchers argued thirty years ago that once a couple goes through this cycle twice, the victim can be characterized as a battered woman. Of course the research has progressed significantly since then.

So, tell me, folks – does this theory hold up?