So how do you stay safe, at home and moving around? Here are some options to consider.
At home, change the locks if need be, get locks on the windows, change the phone number and don’t list it, get metal doors, a security system, alarms (and change the code), cameras, motion-sensitive lights, door wedges, window bars, rope window ladders, fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, outdoor lighting.
Plan an escape route and teach the kids.
Memorize emergency phone numbers.
Keep court order with you always, if you have one.
Hide a phone in a lockable room.
Keep in mind that some landlords resist renting to DV survivors for fear that the abuser will come knocking – find out what the local law says about that.
Never throw any documents in the trash at home -- take it to work or somewhere else, or shred it.
Don't put your name out on the mailbox.
Keep the car alarm button under your pillow -- unless you park very far away, you can crank up the car alarm instantly if attacked.
Plan an escape route and teach the kids.
Memorize emergency phone numbers.
Keep court order with you always, if you have one.
Hide a phone in a lockable room.
Keep in mind that some landlords resist renting to DV survivors for fear that the abuser will come knocking – find out what the local law says about that.
Never throw any documents in the trash at home -- take it to work or somewhere else, or shred it.
Don't put your name out on the mailbox.
Keep the car alarm button under your pillow -- unless you park very far away, you can crank up the car alarm instantly if attacked.
Make yourself more mobile.
Before leaving the abuser, create many plausible reasons for leaving the house, day or night – shopping, walking the dog, taking out the trash – and get out more.
You might even concoct a pretext for travelling alone occasionally – have an out-of-town relative fake an illness – and set up some of your escape plan while you’re out there.
Once you know where you’re going to, plan and rehearse the route.
Keep the car gassed up and pointed toward the road, not the house.
Arrange rides with different people and get the number of a local taxi service.
Before leaving the abuser, create many plausible reasons for leaving the house, day or night – shopping, walking the dog, taking out the trash – and get out more.
You might even concoct a pretext for travelling alone occasionally – have an out-of-town relative fake an illness – and set up some of your escape plan while you’re out there.
Once you know where you’re going to, plan and rehearse the route.
Keep the car gassed up and pointed toward the road, not the house.
Arrange rides with different people and get the number of a local taxi service.
Make yourself hard to find.
Use different stores and banks than you usually do, and use them at different times; vary your travel routes and habits often.
Arrange a PO box to receive bills and other documents, and consider a mail-forwarding service (some states offer the services to DV survivors); see about changing that social security number.
If you know your ultimate destination once you escape (Chicago, for example) then never ever say the word “Chicago” -- don’t say it, write it, think it.
If you have Onstar, disable it or call one of their supervisors and ensure that the abuser can never access your data or billing (use a password if you can, for release of data).
Use different stores and banks than you usually do, and use them at different times; vary your travel routes and habits often.
Arrange a PO box to receive bills and other documents, and consider a mail-forwarding service (some states offer the services to DV survivors); see about changing that social security number.
If you know your ultimate destination once you escape (Chicago, for example) then never ever say the word “Chicago” -- don’t say it, write it, think it.
If you have Onstar, disable it or call one of their supervisors and ensure that the abuser can never access your data or billing (use a password if you can, for release of data).
If he is armed and dangerously crazy, maybe you don’t go straight to your mom’s or your sister’s – he knows where that is, and you will be putting even more people in danger.
Avoid the abuser. He is likely to hunt you, and to try to trick you into exposing yourself. Constant vigilance.
He will try to trick you, so you must have a total cut-off from contact with him. Expect "Trojan Horse" attacks: sending unwanted flowers, gifts or packages to you, or to friends and family in such a way as to expose your location, or offering you money -- have him send it to a safe address that he can't use to track you.
Avoid the places you used to go when you were with the abuser; avoid the places he goes, especially his home and social spots; reschedule any appointments which the abuser is aware of (you may need to switch doctors, and anyone else you see regularly).
Have a plan if it is absolutely necessary to meet him (use public places and always bring a companion), and have a plan for what to do if he confronts you unexpectedly -- think of a very public place to run to (a police station is ideal).
Arrange to have a co-worker watching for your arrival at work, and a roomie or neighbor to do the same at home.
He will try to trick you, so you must have a total cut-off from contact with him. Expect "Trojan Horse" attacks: sending unwanted flowers, gifts or packages to you, or to friends and family in such a way as to expose your location, or offering you money -- have him send it to a safe address that he can't use to track you.
Avoid the places you used to go when you were with the abuser; avoid the places he goes, especially his home and social spots; reschedule any appointments which the abuser is aware of (you may need to switch doctors, and anyone else you see regularly).
Have a plan if it is absolutely necessary to meet him (use public places and always bring a companion), and have a plan for what to do if he confronts you unexpectedly -- think of a very public place to run to (a police station is ideal).
Arrange to have a co-worker watching for your arrival at work, and a roomie or neighbor to do the same at home.
Keep in mind that the abuser may be monitoring your odometer, putting a chalk mark on your tire etc, in addition to the GPS problem, which we address in another article.
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